What I've learned about expectations is that they usually equal disappointment when tied to the actions of others. I hear people talk about how they expected others to behave a certain way, or social media posts describe how others have let them down. This type of disappointment hurts deeply. I've decided to share the story of how I learned my lesson on this at the bottom of this post. It is written for my own healing, just writing it makes me feel vulnerable - however, it may be useful to someone. For now, and to provide a quick read - I'll just say what I know to be true for me. The only expectations I now have are of myself. I do believe that we can easily attract positivity, and that is what we should focus on. Negative things will happen, that is part of life and the human condition. When these not so positive things happen, I attempt let them float on by as quickly as possible. If there is something I need to do about it, I take care of it then move on to think about positivity. (Notice, I said need - I am learning that I do not need to respond to negativity - occasionally it is necessary to make a change to prevent future negativity though.) This is where my grateful journal comes in. Each night before bed, I write in a journal about all of the good things that happened for the day. Sometimes it is just how nice the rain smelled, or that my mom got out of the hospital. There is always something to be found. The more consistent I am in writing in this journal, the better days I have! This causes a quicker turn around when I get hit by the blues. Coincidence!?! I think not. It is about focus and balance. More on that later this week.
How are you doing on your Vision Boards and Grateful Journals? I'd love to hear. Remember to snail mail me to be entered into the drawing for a prize later this month!
Take care!
Tammy Arlene
My story:
I can't say I ever really expected certain things from others, but I can say I was more than a little surprised by the behavior of some when I was incredibly ill. Most of what I experienced was positive. According to the medical community, I was nearing my end, (but we won't go there - since they were wrong!) In January 2015, I was primarily focused on prayer and realizing how precious life is. I was surprised by the loving kindness shown by people that I just met (nurses who came to see me off shift, who prayed with me and sat by my side) and people that I hadn't seen or talked to in years that encouraged me before and after surgery. New friends/acquaintances went out of their way to comfort me. On the other hand, I had a family member who has been chronically ill for as long as I can remember. One which I spent hours at the hospital with more than once, and supported emotionally many times through rough patches, that I thought would understand where I was coming from. I was wrong. This individual surprised me as well. They looked for, and found, a reason to be upset with me - and they claimed that my illness had drained the life out of them! Other things were said, but I won't go there. This happened 2 months into my illness, while I was recovering from a Whipple surgery! Then, they cut all ties with me, and told me they and another family member didn't need my company either. I was crushed, but realized how precious life is and had to move on. I had to get better, negativity and healing do not blend well. I had other friends who just strangely disappeared at the same time.
Lucky for me, I had a couple friends who had recently experienced major medical issues, and they advised me that this sort of thing would happen. This helped tremendously as I was hurt, but able to move forward knowing that I was not alone. And if you are going through something, you are not alone either.