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  • Writer's pictureTammy Arlene

When I Knew

Although I am closer to 50 than 40, I always knew I wanted to write. I look at this moment as a Senior in High School, in 1989, as confirmation that I could put words together that others may actually enjoy reading!

I graduated High School shortly after winning this certificate, I had my whole life ahead of me. Instead of writing or going to college, I joined the Marine Corps. I figured I had plenty of time to do everything I ever wanted to do. Life got busy after that, time flew by and I didn't follow my dream. Yes, I wrote little snippets here and there. I hand wrote poems that I tore up and threw away. I started stories, wrote out plot ideas, even wrote 10,000 + words on a handful of novel ideas. Some were good. Some I kept, some are long gone. Maybe a few of these will come back to life someday.

Life got busy and years started flying by. I created a mess for myself and was trying hard to keep it all together. The dream of writing was like a small ember that I kept glowing, but I didn't do anything substantial to fan the flame. Survival as a single mom was my main focus.

Fast forward to January 2015. I faced death (that's a story for another morning) and realized that I may not have a long life ahead of me. I realized that I hadn't followed my heart and done the one thing that would fulfill me. I may never find out if I could make it as an author. Lying in that hospital bed, facing a Whipple surgery, my outcome did not look good. I could see it on the nurse's faces as they lovingly cared for me. I did not know if I would ever discover my true calling. I was afraid. I prayed to God to save me so I could write. I begged.

Obviously, I woke up. Here I am. Except, invincible (or so I thought) I jumped back into my career in sales. I excelled for two years, despite being hospitalized and in critical condition multiple times. I have a room full of sales awards and trophies to prove exactly how invincible I was! Every time I woke up in ICU, I felt like I could handle anything. I had my whole life ahead of me, and all the time in the world. Moving forward to 2017 - the ICU became a very familiar place. The trauma nurses at the local emergency room now know me by sight. In September 2017, I was hospitalized twice. I remember looking up from the gurney (not remembering exactly how I got there) and there were at least 10 people hovering around me, all talking, shouting orders. Strange machines were whirring, rapid transfusion going in my vein, IV's and wires were all over the place. Questions were asked, and so much talking was going on that I panicked. I was floating, my clothes were being removed and I was put in a gown. It was like a dream. Not a good one.

I realized at that moment that I needed to make a change. Two hospitalizations later, (did I mention I am stubborn?) here I am. I am ready. And here I go! Timer set. This novel isn't going to write itself!

Do you need to make a change? Is there a dream you have neglected? Do you want to chat? Comments are welcome, and if you want me to privately pray for you, you can always email me!

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