How are You?

This may seem random an simplistic to many. I have created a little challenge for myself. I am actually going to stop and listen to people when I ask this question. Those three words - "How are you?" have become random conversation inserts, but I've noticed that they get said with no real meaning. The common response is "Fine" and we move on. But that really doesn't answer the question, does it? HOW are they doing? What does "Fine" mean?

My goal is to become more mindful every day. This is one thing that I can add to my life starting today. I am only going to ask someone how they are if I really, truly expect an answer. I believe we care about how others are doing, but have become so busy that we miss out on what is important - the person in front of us. Today I ordered a coffee, paid and was handed a mug by someone who was completely absorbed by their phone screen. I am guilty of this too. Yes, we can get things done, but no, we cannot connect this way. In an effort to stay "connected" I have actually been "disconnected."

So I am asking you - How are you? Feel free to email, snail mail, comment. I'd love to hear about you, learn about your goals and visions, and let you know how much I appreciate that you stopped by to spend a few minutes reading my blog.

All my best,

Tammy Arlene

Expectations / Painful Realization

What I've learned about expectations is that they usually equal disappointment when tied to the actions of others. I hear people talk about how they expected others to behave a certain way, or social media posts describe how others have let them down. This type of disappointment hurts deeply. I've decided to share the story of how I learned my lesson on this at the bottom of this post. It is written for my own healing, just writing it makes me feel vulnerable - however, it may be useful to someone. For now, and to provide a quick read - I'll just say what I know to be true for me. The only expectations I now have are of myself. I do believe that we can easily attract positivity, and that is what we should focus on. Negative things will happen, that is part of life and the human condition. When these not so positive things happen, I attempt let them float on by as quickly as possible. If there is something I need to do about it, I take care of it then move on to think about positivity. (Notice, I said need - I am learning that I do not need to respond to negativity - occasionally it is necessary to make a change to prevent future negativity though.) This is where my grateful journal comes in. Each night before bed, I write in a journal about all of the good things that happened for the day. Sometimes it is just how nice the rain smelled, or that my mom got out of the hospital. There is always something to be found. The more consistent I am in writing in this journal, the better days I have! This causes a quicker turn around when I get hit by the blues. Coincidence!?! I think not. It is about focus and balance. More on that later this week.

How are you doing on your Vision Boards and Grateful Journals? I'd love to hear. Remember to snail mail me to be entered into the drawing for a prize later this month!

Take care!

Tammy Arlene ​

My story:

I can't say I ever really expected certain things from others, but I can say I was more than a little surprised by the behavior of some when I was incredibly ill. Most of what I experienced was positive. According to the medical community, I was nearing my end, (but we won't go there - since they were wrong!) In January 2015, I was primarily focused on prayer and realizing how precious life is. I was surprised by the loving kindness shown by people that I just met (nurses who came to see me off shift, who prayed with me and sat by my side) and people that I hadn't seen or talked to in years that encouraged me before and after surgery. New friends/acquaintances went out of their way to comfort me. On the other hand, I had a family member who has been chronically ill for as long as I can remember. One which I spent hours at the hospital with more than once, and supported emotionally many times through rough patches, that I thought would understand where I was coming from. I was wrong. This individual surprised me as well. They looked for, and found, a reason to be upset with me - and they claimed that my illness had drained the life out of them! Other things were said, but I won't go there. This happened 2 months into my illness, while I was recovering from a Whipple surgery! Then, they cut all ties with me, and told me they and another family member didn't need my company either. I was crushed, but realized how precious life is and had to move on. I had to get better, negativity and healing do not blend well. I had other friends who just strangely disappeared at the same time.

Lucky for me, I had a couple friends who had recently experienced major medical issues, and they advised me that this sort of thing would happen. This helped tremendously as I was hurt, but able to move forward knowing that I was not alone. And if you are going through something, you are not alone either.

My Vision for 2018 + Confession

Oops! You caught me! I haven't been reviewing my vision board, and I don't have a lot of goals clearly stated. It is back to the drawing board for me! I am going to create a goal list, with target dates and a schedule. This vision board shows how I would like my life to be - but I need goals and targets. I am a competitive / results oriented person! I need to see results.

I promised last week that I would post a photo of my vision board, and to tell you the honest truth, I was embarrassed to do it, hence the delay. I haven't made much progress on these things, and there are two reasons for this. I do not have clearly defined goals - and I did not review this weekly (or I would have known before now.) Red face, embarrassed. This is why I need to keep my goals on my mind all the time. That box in the bottom left is my "Win List" and I will list all the victories this year, as they happen. I still love this poster, because it reflects me. It makes me happy. It is now in a special place in my home office so I can look at it often.

So, with all those words, what I am trying to say is I need to keep this vision board and a separate, well defined, specific list of goals - including deadlines - in front of me, or I will be looking at this in May and saying the same thing! I am keeping this one, to track my "WINS" but I am also going to sit here right now and make my list. The list will stay on the wall next to my desk, so I see it every day. Then I will write that down as a WIN and place a pretty star right next to it.

Keep me accountable! Please!

How is your vision board going? Did you set goals as well? Drop me a snail mail note, email, comment and let me know. I'd love to hear from you.